parents

i called them for our weekly update, and instead of moping about at home now that the kids have flown the nest, they were out fishing. "call you back," they said, as i let out an incredulous, "but it's 8pm your time!".

the next day they stayed home for my call. they had caught 30 fish the night before, they said, but at the last minute, the knot my father had tied in the fishing net snapped, and their day's catch disappeared into the black lake bottom. they came home at midnight with three small fish that their fellow fishermen gave them out of sympathy. i could hear my mom's small cries of dismay in my head, the quiet bit of heartbreak that was quickly buried in the 25 year bond of marriage, like a shard of glass in a large cotton ball.

the next day i used their credit card to buy some books online. my bank account was suffering, i reasoned, and they owed me an upcoming birthday gift. i emailed them to warn of the credit card charge, and received the following in response:

"We are very happy that you can find a gift for you. We went fishing last night, your mom was very lucky, she caught 6 large bass (14 inches and 15 inches) and crappie, and I caught one large crappie, We also caught a lot of small fishes. We had a lot of funs."

lately

autocomplete

interphase? dude, metaphase is where it's at.

images associated with my bloody valentine's 'sometimes'

an endless car ride, lost in translation, snowdrifts, cold clear nights, the first heartbreak

even though my practice has drifted to thinking about the social and the just, i still really enjoy a good aesthetic experience.

songs about heaven

temptation - new order (heaven / i can't wait / i hope)
all we want, baby, is everything - the handsome furs (heaven / is a place built out of stone)
heaven is - orchestral manoeuvres in the dark (heaven is making love / and then running away)
heaven is a place on earth - belinda carlisle

tired esophagus

while most people are resolving to lose weight for new years, i am being kept thin by three straight nights of vomiting and stomach pain incurred by trying to ingest anything more than an apple or a piece of toast. body size, guys, it's not a choice. i'd rather be eating pizza and keeping it down.

my new year resolution is to examine the ways in which i am privileged as a thin, able-bodied person and to deconstruct any biases in my head regarding body size and ability, and to add that to the list of inequalities i regularly speak out against.

addendum

more and more, i'm starting to see mainstream media, entertainment, things that look pretty, and the agents of consumption in general, as insidious tools by which our minds are numbed and drawn away from larger political injustices. i am trying to not be placated. it is important to me to not be placated. i will not be placated. be skeptical of pleasure.