the good, the bad, the ugly

if you haven't yet caught on, i'm been trying for a while to make sense of my texas upbringing. the veneer of toughness with which i meet everyday life has become an object of curiosity to my southern california peers. why do you constantly think the world is out to get you? they ask. and they're right - i have very little to fear in the state of free love. but i lived for many years in a state that joyfully electrocuted 361 inmates before 1977, and boasts a record 466 lethal injections since. i'm only starting to realize the lasting impact the existence of a death penalty can have on an personal level. it didn't matter that i didn't think one should kill others - the state did. judging by its dogged interpretation of the 2nd amendment, it also thinks other people should be able to kill you. the idea of survival takes on a radically different tone in this light. it's no longer about feeding your family. it's about not getting shot by your neighbor.