i've been rediscovering the joys of reading—oh, orlando!—that pasttime where it's ok to let your body be a vegetable and have your mind's adventures count as activity (a shocking revelation to a compulsive go-getter).
there's this part in tina fey's book, where she writes about how most women come to realize they are a woman, by the sexual harassment they receive. i beg to differ. sexual harassment sends me careening backwards to being a girl and just discovering these awkward lumps on my body, whose strange formations would be used as a weapon against my sense of self. being a girl means having your life at the mercy of others, subject to their sneering battering at any moment and not having the tools to defend yourself. this is the quintessential feeling of shame and helplessness that street harassers try to elicit.
conversely, i first crossed the threshold into woman-ness maybe one, two years ago, when i was able to step back, look at my life, and realize that i had my shit together. and i realized something more, that no matter what pits of misery life would throw me into, i would never lose my ability to get my shit together, and that no one, no one catcalling from the street, could take that away from me. it took a lot of fucking up and emotional immaturity before i reached this state of zen-like enlightenment. i always thought being a woman connoted being someone with shoulder pads and no sense of humor, but actually, it's pretty awesome to be out of the girl phase of my life. i am woman, hear me roar!
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About Me
- carola rola
- I unofficially take photographs and charm people for a living. Officially, I received a B.F.A. from Cornell University, and am now on the West Coast making websites, planting gardens, and damning the man. Be my friend at carol[dot]why[dot]zou[at]gmail[dot]com.
What's wrong with the word girl? I guess I think of it differently. Nothing says girl like the word girl, just like nothing says boy like boy. Everyone knows what a girl or a boy is or most everyone, but nobody seems to know what a man or a woman is. Is it a boy or girl? I like boys. I like girls. But man seems like it's been used to beat boys over the head with (be a man), and woman seems like some vague word other women use to be all go women! I guess one day I will have a moment with the word woman, but there's nothing wrong with being a girl. I also relate more to the word man because it has more interesting uses and definitions, like telling yourself to man up in a situation and "aw man". It seems to be a more generic word for human. Woman is still very vague, and I don't really know what it means other than I am 21+. Maybe that's all there is to it. I'd rather think of myself as an adult than a woman.
ReplyDeleteJust like adult and child. You never stop being a child. You just also add on adult once you get older, pass 21. You're a child inside.
I've been catcalled here in Echo Park or otherwise talking to me when I am just standing there and usually all it does it make me mad. I'm not sure if I feel/felt shame. Maybe a little. But what's the point. It's not you, it's them. It's just so fucking retarded. And it's not about being a girl. They would treat a boy in a way that would hurt him or make him uncomfortable too. They're just retarded. And maybe it's just me but the only people who catcall me seem either insane or homeless! I ignore them and pretend to be so totally interested in my own thoughts I didn't hear them or care or don't know when I'm being insulted, which I usually am. "You're obviously just a crazy or fucked up person," is what I think. Everyone gets shit for something. If it isn't about you, just walk by and blink. They might as well be clouds in the sky.
-Lisa