personal preferences

summer is the best season, and it may be correlated with school being out (thank you alice cooper). my affinity for summer probably has something to do with the experience of spinning outside under the trees, catching the sunlight winking through the leaves in between spots of green, until one is dizzy and out of breath, the world an exciting merry-go-round of sensory experiences smashed together and melting like scoops of icecream on the sidewalk. it's a wet season - monsoons, watermelon, sweat. it is wild, it is sweet, it is sticky. time, represented by increasing doses of sunlight, becomes this beautiful golden thing that you can stretch out over distances without fear of end. summer is possibility, is running in the dusk with your arms outstretched, is the music of your back porch and the cicadas, is feeling free. it is not young and crying like spring, but it is not ready to die like fall.

so fucking special

following up on the topic of my brain and the youtube generation i clicked around to the 90s radiohead relic, 'creep', and hoh-ly crap, talk about a treasure trove of colors themes and lighting that i think about ALL THE TIME. chiaroscuro lighting that is highly conscious of black and white photography but with warm acid colors toning the highlights and shadows. that feeling of uncontrollable light that softly through yonder window breaks. the blue faces of the palpitating crowd forming a warm moist and violent womb. butterfly lighting elevating thom yorke's cheekbones into the ecstasy of st theresa. first week of photo class, finding magic in damaged photo negatives but not quite sure how to explain it to your professor. plato's cave.

diptych of youtube screencaps stored on my computer; window into my existential interior

top: april skies
bottom: dreams

i could make a career out of painting screencaps (the spaces in between) from music videos. why don't i?

cookbook lust

Ancient Grains for Modern Meals

this is no surprise revelation, as i have secret plans to name my children quinoa, bulghur, and pilaf.

mandatory shoegazing

friday workplace subversion day continues (i have to do this. being around business students makes me feel way too straight laced, no pun intended). when in doubt, repurpose your old and disgusting chucks with some acrylic paint.

i looked up this morning and saw a sliver of light

when left to my own devices i'm drawn to the following: quietness, white space, constancy.

the good, the bad, the ugly

if you haven't yet caught on, i'm been trying for a while to make sense of my texas upbringing. the veneer of toughness with which i meet everyday life has become an object of curiosity to my southern california peers. why do you constantly think the world is out to get you? they ask. and they're right - i have very little to fear in the state of free love. but i lived for many years in a state that joyfully electrocuted 361 inmates before 1977, and boasts a record 466 lethal injections since. i'm only starting to realize the lasting impact the existence of a death penalty can have on an personal level. it didn't matter that i didn't think one should kill others - the state did. judging by its dogged interpretation of the 2nd amendment, it also thinks other people should be able to kill you. the idea of survival takes on a radically different tone in this light. it's no longer about feeding your family. it's about not getting shot by your neighbor.