dream

i am given bags of pink cake balls which turn out to be ferrero rocher eating bunnies in disguise. one of them gets into a pile of ferrero rocher and bounds around in a ferrero rocher wrapper. i chase after it trying to whack it with a book.

so there you go. i am a girl who dreams about candy and bunnies.

dream

we see a boxcar full of quilts we want to buy. i have to climb up two ropes to get to the quilts. i am at the top of the ropes but unable to swing onto the platform. we are redirected to a backdoor opening. we go in and go up different flights of stairs but all we find are skulls and dead ends. as many of us leave the building as possible but some are still trapped inside. the owner of the boxcar tells us that if we take the wrong way we'll die.

on happier news i am off to build a school garden today. happy volunteerism day, y'all!

dream

i am flying in a helicopter over the falkland islands. we swoop sharply down into an arctic environment and i encounter a penguin with a blue forehead. we continue onward over the map of south america to melbourne, which is all lit up and orange against the night like a sylvain chomet film.

it was vivid and exhilarating. i had no idea such scapes existed in my head.

on other news i am applying to grad school. it's causing in me a lot of anxiety and hermit-like behavior. pray for me?

nighttime story 2

my book from the sketchbook project came in! i'll be sending it back to new york city in january, where it will go on display in the brooklyn library and some lucky fool or two will be able to check out and read my musings on the theme 'nighttime stories'. the book will be a graphic documentation of my dreams a la carl jung (or carol yun as she's known in these quarters). of course my first order of business was to hand-letter the cover.

los angeles freeway system: a haiku

i dreamed that i was
driving on the 10 freeway
in the rain; i died.

inception

i caught the opening of inception last night. i've been diligently recording my dreams and it was really nice to watch a movie that captured the essence of walking through a dream. walking out of the theater is exactly like waking up in a hazy stupor. the one exception is that my dream levels happen vertically instead of horizontally. you'll know what i mean when you see it.

dream

riding roller coasters in the dusk. going our separate ways to a fish shack and stepping into an artist's residency in a house stuffed with boxes. you did something you never do and i gushed amber liquid all over you

dream

i was in the darkroom, by the sea. you held me in your room and asked me why i was hurt (striped sweater). everything was very gentle and fluttering. incandescent oranges, salty breeze, clean planes of steel.

this is what i think about in traffic

have you ever wondered how much time businesses spend trying to come up with acronyms for their telephone number such as 1-888-KOOL-AID? i mean, which comes first, the phone number or the acronym? i tried fabricating my own phone slogans today, but for some reason the first two that came to mind were 1-800-DEAD-CAT and 1-800-APE-RAPE. what does that say about me?

the morning after everything.

waking life, 2001

lately i've been enjoying dreaming as an escape from the real world into a kinder, and stranger reality. in general i've been drawn to the sensual abandonment of surrealism as opposed to formulating things in conceptual language. last night i dreamt about meeting and leaving in airports, and a cold winter forest with a voice recorder stuck in one of the trees. i threw a smooth marbled stone at it; it started playing joy division.

wackest dream i've had in a long freaking time

spending a lot of time with boyfriend before he has to leave. my parents have just had a third child. i am 5, i go into the infant care unit and cut a clean circle around the baby's left hand, snipping a red bracelet through the skin. i then cry and tell my parents so they can go sew it up, and that i didn't mean anything by it. as in all dreams it's the tone that matters and this didn't feel traumatic, just kind of uncanny. i met boyfriend at a flea market and he comforted me. then we went for a walk around a guggenheim museum-like spiral structure. at an intersection a girl asked me to hold her boyfriend so i said ok, she passes a severed head into my hands. i scream and drop it. she grabs the head indignantly, the head has small arms and legs. it turns out he was just a midget.

today's dream

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unquiet sleep

i keep on having dreams that suggest restlessness and conflict between two states of being. running through corridors, staircases, courtyards that connect two separate rooms or spaces - an architectural allegory for internal conflict. feeling condemnation. saturated lurid colors, especially yellow (my dreams are usually very pleasant pastels). being called upon to perform difficult tasks. recurring presence of key figures in my life (the idol, the wanderer, the anchor).

creative output is at a zero right now, motivation is starting to dip into the negative part of the y-axis. to pacify myself, i dope myself on sugar, which inflames my body dysmorphia, hardcore. i feel nervous and unquiet in the daytime too.

when you think about it in reverse, everything starts to make sense

hypnos part 2

when i went to sleep i had a strange dream. i was part of a rebel faction, made up of my coworkers, in a 7-storied world, the floors of which were accessible by elevators. the world was a strange combination of interior, which referenced libraries and commercial coffeeshops, and exterior 19th century french buildings. our task was to overcome a darth-vader-esque figure and his dark armies in order to reach the buddha, who was stationed on the 7th floor. when i returned from kicking demon ass on the 5th floor, my commander gave me one more task. i was to retrieve the four legs of a table to present to the buddha. each leg had a figure carved into it such as a slave and a lamb, whose outlines were painted red. i was hesitant to accept the task at first, but then saw that one of the legs featured a man and a woman facing each other in fetal positions. i exclaimed that it represented the origin of love, which was a noble thing to retrieve. my coworkers cheered me on, while floating in a pool. somewhere in there, there was an oncoming train.

also, because i was learning to fuse aesthetics, neurotic behavior and social justice at age 5

roommate: i eat red and brown m&ms first. what about you? i bet you eat the yellow ones.
me: well, actually, first i separate out all the m&ms out by color. then i eat from the colors that have the most m&ms in the pile, starting from the highest, until all the colors have an equal amount of m&ms in them. then i make rounds and eat one m&m from each pile in order* so that they will always have equal amounts in them, until the m&ms are gone.
roommate: wow.
me: you know what i was really into? skittles.

*this was not mentioned in conversation, but i used to also line my m&ms up according to rainbow color when i performed this last step. this process is an excellent insight into my larger way of functioning.

two dreams of late

1. that i was being trained as part of greenpeace's water-based demonstration crew as part of a save the killer whales initiative.

2. that i was running through interminable corridors of customs at benito juarez airport (mexico city) trying to make my flight to los angeles.

para la cena

baked trout with ginger and lemon, tamari sauteed turnips and collard greens, and yellow split pea soup. bring your own vino.

i had a dream this afternoon about losing my clothing in the ice-fishing portion of a maze, backtracking only to find that i would have to sign an animator contract to get my clothes back, and rushing to negotiate with a glenn close-like character in a spa, only to realize that i had printed my resume on a bar of soap. hmm. life.