love you so much it makes me sick

one youtube foray into the vaselines and a few clicks later, i find that my kurt love is still burning and well, and in fact improves with aging and distance. what is it about your paleness that will always suggest trees, sacredness, and cobalt blue more than anything else?

on a side note, tony wilson's impact on british punk is highly underrated. absolutely charming!

a different sort of e.k.g.

it goes like this. the first time you are so desperate to cling to anything that you love everything. a puppy! a flower! the world is new and full of possibility. then after a few more failed attempts, dejection sets in. you will never love again. you had the one; it's now floating somewhere out there in the morass of your blackened past, and it wasn't really that good anyway. but you persist, because, well, how can we not? fortuitous encounters chip away at your hardened will, and gradually you decide, hey, what's one more ride on the true love express? after all, you've done this so many times before; you could do it with your eyes closed. and thus we settle into complacency.*

three times in my life i have been told that i think a lot about love as a way to structure my work. each time i have felt fully childish and denuded. but denuded in the sense that it is both a moment of shame and a moment of victory. a victory over a society that doesn't know what to do with itself as it stares, agape, at you dancing around in your most basic form of being.

*note: this graph has not been considered with the inclusion of a z-axis variable: intensity of love; regardless, the idea may prove fruitful for future analysis.

faith love rock 'n roll

some days are shit. they lay on you like the muggy summer that has continued too long and drive you, in tears, to your computer typing your heart out to the one person in the world who understands you--your former therapist. other days fortuitously come together, and restore your faith in some cosmic order of things. i picked up seven rolls of film today which reinforced what i can do, and what i want to do with my work. i walked into my last-ditch attempt at employment only to have the recruiter veer off the topic of telemarketing for peace, and onto how much he liked my website and art. then the kindly old guatemalan parking attendant carried on a thirty minute conversation with me en my beloved espanyol, before wishing me luck in this unforgiving city. last but not least, i was trolling craigslist like i do every day, so desperately looking for employment, and instead found a local photographer selling a beautiful vintage camera system for broke young artist prices. now i have the night off to myself, and i think i will draw and swim. tomorrow night i'm cooking dinner for the first person in two years who, under no narcotic influence, is willing to say 'i love you' to me. so you know, we persist. we persist. i'll scan some of my fo-tos tomorrow.

playlist suggestion: songs which include the word 'heart'

heart of glass, blondie
cheated hearts, the yeah yeah yeahs
listen to my heart, the ramones
heart shaped box, nirvana
metal heart, cat power
this heart's on fire, wolf parade

for extra credit, please provide a paragraph analysis of each band's symbolic interpretation of your primary central organ.